“If only my life could be more like the movies. I want an angel to swoop down to me like he does to Jimmy Stewart in “Its a Wonderful Life” and talk me out of suicide. I’ve always waited for that one moment of truth to set me free and change my life forever, but he won’t come. It doesnt happen that way. All the drugs, all the therapy, fights, anger, guilt, rave, suicidal thoughts, all of that was part of some slow recovery process, the same way I went down, I came back up, gradually and then suddenly. The pills weren’t the cure at all, God knows, but they gave me breathing space which allowed me to start writing again only this time it was not as if my life deppended on it.”— Prozac Nation
Haha exactly Sap. And it’s really annoying cause I can’t even think. I don’t know that yesterday was Saturday and again when I woke up this morning, I asked to myself “Why didn’t I wake up for school” Ngeh. See you in 4 months, and just like you said “then we can both be girls… interrupted” hahaha. Take care in Canberra twinny
I woke up and I was like “Shit, am I late for school?” without any concern, then I remember it’s Saturday. Uh, shit. I can’t remember much but okay never mind that.
A teacher told me to send him a review of the Paul Coelho’s Eleven Minutes that I was reading the other day in school and he said “Write as soon as you finish reading, cause all of your feelings towards to book is still in you” My point is, I regret on not doing that. Yesterday yesterday after all those nasty words I said, I wanted to straight away tell you my remorse, which I didn’t because I just can’t face you yet. I feel so fucking low to do that to you.
I knew exactly what I wanted to say yesterday, now I just don’t know what to write. Wait for my e-mail.
Omg fuck that blue shit, I can’t remeber what I was gona say again. Damn it!
The lack of light, hollow sea,
Poison beaches, limousines
Toothless dentists, cops that kill…
My Baby’s got the lonesome lows,
Don’t quite go away overnight;
Dr. Blind just prescribe the blue ones.
If the the dizzying highs don’t subside overnight,
Dr. Blind, just prescribe the red ones.
da da da, da da, da da. da da, da.
da. da da, da. la da da, da da. ah.
Hard to hold, cold to touch,
Fall to pieces, treat the rush,
In hindsight, with prime time talk.
All your pain will end here.
Let the doctor soothe your brain, dear.
Such a bad morning to start with. Too much angst, emotions, regrets, disappointments ah and more. Heart is way too stuffed for a Friday morning. Uhh why do we feel? Why do we love? To be happy? But then again, what does it mean to be happy? As far as I know, happiness will only bring pain and disappointments in the end, cause eventually, eventually, what goes up must come down right? But why? Why all this? Why me? Why now?
You know, sometimes, actually right now, I wish I can see more than just those layers of skins, more than what meets my eyes, which I often usually do, seeing more than just what’s on the surface. But right now, somehow, I just can’t. My apathy is contradicting myself. One side of me wishes I know more, the other side of me just don’t give a flying fuck. It’s starting to bother me, this apathy. Why? Maybe that’s just the way it is, the older we grow the more careless we are about things? Or maybe that’s just me. Maybe I grew tired of caring so much about things that right now, I just can’t be bothered to care about anything or even, anyone. This, I know, is wrong. As I look back and think of how I used to be… this is just wrong. I used to care about everything, every little thing. Now, nothing. When did I change? But then again, these are just thoughts, and I’m just catering to the thoughts inside of me that just wouldn’t hush. Thoughts and more thoughts hovering, heart, the heart is growing heavier. I wish I could write more, but I’m out of words.
Blackout at home and so I light the candles up. Gotta love dark room with a hint of light from the candles. I was staring at them for quite sometime and the perfection of melted candles in Kat Von D’s sketching room in LA ink came into my head and it lingers. How nice would it be if I have it in my room, or my house. It’s beautiful, I’m telling you.
Good morning, morning, morning. My throat……. Still feels the same and my head feels heavy. Anywho, I’m on my way to school and I’m sleepy and I hate how there’s uncooked rice when I’m eating, yucks. Tomorrow’s Friday, yeyeah not excited for the thing I’m going to.
I don’t know why I chose to raid my closet and find something to wear on Friday, ugh I hate formal dress code. And also play snake on youtube, you know, that snake game that everyone played on their old school Nokia phones at one point of their lives, yeah that. Fun. I got a rough idea on what I’ll wear and I’m having a headache now while my throat is still hurting. I’m going to my room, or maybe I’ll just bring this laptop to my room. Ok, I’ll bring it in and let the songs bring me far far away.
If I want to take you out to the movies... what's your all time favourite shows?
I like Blow, White Oleander, Girl Interrupted, Virgin Suicides, Donnie Darko, American Beauty, Prozac Nation, Trainspotting, Lolita, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, Meet Joe Black and so much more, but I prolly wouldn’t wana watch it with you.
“Be thankful for every heartbreak, for they were planned. They come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then leave. Their purpose is to shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you have to transform your life. And you do.”—(via idareyoutoclickthis) (via peanutsforlunch) (via lovefumes) (via cupicedtea) (via acharmedlife)
Hello teacher tell me, what’s my lesson?
Look right through me, look right through me
And I find it kind of funny, I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I’m dying are the best I’ve ever had
I find it hard to tell you, I find it hard to take
When people run in circles its a very, very
Mad world, mad world, enlarging your world
Sheen:You can't even love me , respect me ? You think that's too much ?
Anasha:Sheen, 4 years I've been all for you. This time, can I just be selfish and let this be about me? Is that too much to ask for?
Sheen:You haven't been an angel for these past for years . We both made mistakes during this 4 years . I understand that you've always been with me , always by my side throughout this 4 years no matter what happens . And honestly , one year for you to be is not a lot . But I'm just afraid I can't handle it and things will just be gone . I'm giving this a shot , with you , for you . I'm giving you this one year . It'll be all about you , without complaints . What matters in the end is you'll still love me , even if it doesn't happen , even if you don't . I will still love you like how I do . I'll wake you up when I end work . Sleep well , I love you so much .
Sheen:I will use this to prove my love for you , to prove whatever I've got to prove to you .
I should be sleeping, that’s what I should be doing but this little thing just wouldn’t stop buzzing and I’ve been trying to type since 15 minutes ago, but keeps on getting interupted. These red bleeps are making me anxious. Eek, brb. Okay back. O— argh. Okay, never mind, I’ll just write. Uh so where was I? Yeah I should be sleeping, and I don’t know what and why I’m still writing and talking to people. Oooh weekend soon, very soon and I’m excited! Anyway, I really don’t know what to feel about stuff you know? I really don’t. I’m having a headache. I’ll stop now.
“She always had that about her, that look of otherness, of eyes that see things much too far, and of thoughts that wander off the edge of the world.”—The Girl With No Shadow by Joanne Harris (via milkofregret, pinpricks) (via applecocaine)