“Im going to bed now . Just wanna tell you , i didnt mean to purposely provoke you or add on to your frustrations . I admit , i was being idiotic and childish , but baby , honestly lets not fight anymore . We both know how tired we are because of fighting . I’ll do my best to grow up . For me and you . Despite the fact that ive been pissing you off almost everyday , i hope you still love me as much as you can . Because thats what im doing . I love you baby . Get well soon . And also , the font is nice . I’ll do it old english as soon as i can get an appointment .”
“…Whatever it is , i’m with you and so is my heart and everything else .I mentioned what i wanted to say last night in the msges .Yeah , i know its hard , for you to just drop it and move on . of course i do know .and its even harder because we are not even physically together now and theres nothing we can do about it , isnt it ?Please just try to let all these thoughts stop bothering you , stop affecting you . I know you might need time .But dont worry , through all these times that you need and all of the time we have , i will be yours .Only yours . Get well soon , i love you , for always .
Ps : Sorry for being such a pain in the ass every fucking single day . Even though i am an asshole or i am left with only an asshole and nothing else , i’ll still love you with it :)”
After a long time, it hits me again. Just suddenly and it hit me good. All those rush of memories came tumbling me down, I just can’t reach myself again. They say what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, yeah it didn’t kill me but I don’t see how it makes me stronger. Feels like I’m getting weaker and weaker by each memories remembered. Every single time, it anchors me down. And maybe, just maybe, I’m better down here. I don’t wana pretend that I’m fine, pretend that I let it go, pretend that I’m over it cause I’m not. I don’t care how long this will keep me grounded, but for now I’m through with this mask- it’s suffocating me. I don’t feel like talking. Don’t bother trying to make me feel better, you’ll never make up for all you’ve done. The best you can do now is to kindly leave me alone.
It’s magical how a song can bring you back to a situation, a day or a period of time and you can almost remember the feelings you felt back then. It can be comforting or heart breaking whatever feelings it brought, it reminds be that the past was real and it changes who I am today.
I’m gona watch The Last Song, hope the movie is as good as the book. I’m feeling under the weather today. Laters
was pretty bad. The only thing that’s making me smile was the 2 messages I got from you. Aniqa woke me up pretty early and it’s so hard for me to go back to dreaming, I wasn’t feeling very well so it got me all cranky. Breakfast was shit and I forgot to take my medicine, got caught in the traffic and was late for my class. I’m home now so if you’re reading this message me later and I’ll call you, mwa.
Sometime in August 2007, that was the very first.
Aniqa’s awake, which makes it hard for me to sleep. Other than when she cries or screams, she is the cutest thing alive. Especially when she giggles or farts or make baby noises.
Anyway, since I’m awake, I have thoughts waiting to be written. Like, I don’t get how some people think I’m stupid or think that I won’t understand the game that they try to lead me on to. Lame.
Ps. This is for the person we talked about just now boo, not you okay?
Good night now.
Sheen, check your email. I don’t have enough credit and my mum took the phone back up.
This is what I mean when you’re being a pain in the ass. If I’m in Singapore this wouldn’t happen. We’ll just meet up and things will be alright again. Grr, but for now, fuck you.
Looking at couples’ pictures just tore me apart. It makes me think of when can we be like that again, in six months? Pft. It’s sucks how we can’t take pictures or do anything together. The next time we get to see meet each other, you use your camera and I’ll sure mine and we’ll take pictures of each other and we’ll take pictures together and develop it okay? I’ll keep it and put it all over my room.
I loveeee how I can talk to you about anything and everything. Aren’t you the best thing that has ever happened to me? Hmm hmm? You are and although you can be a pain in the ass sometimes, you’re still my everything.
I’ve been thinking back about how we were in secondary school days and how we were now. So close, best friends and lovers. And I wish we could spend our every day together, cause I miss you and I miss having you around. I even miss our crazy fights.
Just open my email and this made me smile, I think my heart just cringed.
“Tickle me even if I say stop, you know I love it. Hold my hand. Tell me I’m beautiful. Tell me I’m the most amazing girl you know. Tell me stupid jokes, whatever it takes to make me laugh. Let me wear your clothes. Do things that make me smile. When I start yelling at you, kiss me. Kiss my forehead. Kiss me in the rain. Let me fall asleep in your arms. Push me on swings and give me piggy back rides. Call me. Stay up with me all night on the phone. Leave me unexpected notes saying how much I mean to you, and then we pinky promise that we’ll be together forever, & I’m holding you to it”
No matter how boring it may be, Singapore will always feel like home to me. I wish I don’t have to go back here. I wish I could just stay, but one more year. I’ll be back.
I remember yesterday, and those few days I spent in Singapore, it give me this feeling, like there’s a lump in my throat and my chest went tight. Exactly the feeling I felt when I was sitting there, asking you to hug me and I burst into tears.
Pft, I miss you.
Elizabeth Gilbert (Eat, Pray, Love)
This would have to be my all time favourite quote.
Like the dessert lizard that can live fine without much water, but relieved anyway when they found it. Like that naive little lizard who thinks that the water is trying to lure it, when in fact, that’s just the nature of water, refreshing.
- Cook: How is the love?
- Effy: It’s a bit of a headfuck, to be honest. It’s not simple. I know you’d understand that, but I’m giving it a go.
- Freddie: I really fucking love you.
- Effy: Raise it a million.
Talking about our sleeping routine makes me really miss you. I really wish I’m still there. I miss your non-stop good mornings, I miss your little jerks and the way you push me away when I hug you when you were asleep, I miss laughing together when we heard Lu mumble when he sleeps. I miss stealing your blanket. I miss spooning with you. I miss the way you’d tuck me in. Also the way you’d lift the bed up while I was on it, and how you’d carry me and throw me on the bed. I miss our rough tickles till either one of us fall from the bed. I could go on and on and on but I’ll stop now, I miss you.
I’m gona watch Skins again, from the start again just because I love it too much.
Too sleepy to function, yet to uninspired to be awake. Blah, can’t wait till Friday.