Fuck 2010 very much. So my grandma just passed away too. Seriously. I’ve seen two of my family members passed away right before my eyes now, on the same year. Fuck 2010, the worst year of my fucking life, too much tears, too much.
When you get a paper cut, the action of the paper cutting you didn’t hurt. What hurts is the course that follows, the healing part. The part when the skin is torn open, when the wound is exposed. That hurts. The way my heart breaks is like that. Like a paper cut.
You’ll never know the capacity of one’s heart, even your own. One small cut, one small thing can mean so much, can leave a huge impact, can hurt a lot, like a paper cut.
The cut itself is bad, what’s worse is the healing process. That’s when the pain is intense. When you think it’s healed but it’s not. The pain will start to consume you again. And in time, it will either be healed, or it will get infected, get deeper, get bigger.
He left a lot of wounds in my heart, and for once, I thought it’s healing. But no, he just have to tore it open and rub salts all over it. It hurts, so bad, but what hurts the most is the fact that up till now, after all, I can’t hate him, can’t push him away.
maybe your first love is the one that sticks with you because it’s the only person who will ever receive all of you. after that, you learn better. but, the most of all, no matter what, a piece of you forever remains left behind in the heart of the one you loved - a piece no future lover could ever get, no matter what. that piece holds innocence, the belief that love really can last forever. it holds friendship and pain, trial and error, that one kiss you’ll never forget, and that night under the stars you can never get back. it holds youth and everything you thought love would be, everything that was proven wrong.
“Your heart just breaks, that’s all. But you can’t judge, or point fingers. You just have to be lucky enough to find someone who appreciates you.”—Audrey Hepburn | Submitted by: bornonthe17th (via quote-book)
Back at home again. Back at this again. I hate it when I’m not distracted, you know? I don’t know where is the limit for my brain to wonder. Besides, when I’m about to sleep like this, what else can distract me? What else can I think about? I wish I could just fall asleep rather than trying to sleep and let this emotions drown me to sleep. This sucks, what’s worse is the fact that I’m going to Singapore soon. Fucking hell. This is so ironic, after all I’ve been through, after all I have done to get out of this, I’m back at it again, because if it. Is it all really worth it?
This is why I held back, cause I didn’t want to let the anger ruin things. But what can you do when someone else ruined it for you? Fight back? What’s the point? So I back down and swallow it in. I tried, I swear I did.
Look at what your anger is turning you into. A monster, intentionally showing me, to hurt me. And I thank you, cause I wouldn’t have any regrets on making this decision.
I thought you changed, well I thought wrong, I thought a lot of things wrong. But one thing you should always remember, you can never lie to me.
Now I start to question all the things that you said that you insist was the truth… But it doesn’t matter now. Nothing about you matters anymore.
2011, I might be ready. Take him away, take me away. Stupid me of thinking to come back. Please let this be my one last call. I’m done, I’m really tired, I don’t want to try anymore. No more.
I don’t understand how two people can go on living constantly letting one another down, fucking each other up, yet they can’t bring themselves to hate. The more they’re hurt, the more they love, the more they need each other.
Wouldn’t live be much simpler if their sight, their name, their smell doesn’t make you long for them? Wouldn’t live be much simpler if you could listen to the songs you guys used to listen and eat the food that you both love without cringing?
I wish I could just purely hate without any love or love without any hate. But you hate because you love. Heads or tails? Heads: I love you. Tails: I hate you. Just like a coin, can’t get one side without the other, love and hate will always go hand in hand.
My heart was as gloomy as the dark sky I was looking at from my window seat. And as the city lights starts to emerge from it, my heart didn’t follow. It went darker, heavier. This is where I belong now, this is what I should get used to call home now. But I don’t want to absorb it, I’m getting out of here, no matter what. I wana go back home, where I used to be.
4 more days till 2010 is over. I’m scared of moving on more, I don’t want anymore changes. 2010 gave me enough drastic changes that I still can’t accept. It’s enough for me and I’m not ready for more yet. 2011 is gona be a whole lot different. A whole lot different. I can’t take anymore changes, having the fact that I’m still getting used to all this. I don’t want to move on, I’m scared.
“Whenever you leave something you loved so much, that meant the entire world to you, there comes a long process in reaction to it. You’re thrusted into something that feels like somewhere you’ve never been before, but it’s the exact same place you’ve been in. Sometimes your heart needs a long restart to realize how it feels to be off your sleeve, and back in your own chest.”—Unknown (via quoteworld)
I’m going Singaporean style with my slippers on this Christmas eve and “winter” night. My boots are killing me pft. Last Christmas… I remember what I got. This Christmas, it’s all different. Last year felt like ages ago cause everything is so different now. I don’t really like changes after all, do I?
I can’t say my heart didn’t drop this morning when I woke up to that smell. Then I remember last night, every time I walk pass Sasa, I’d spray that perfume on me, on my knit sweater I sleep with. Sniff in, my face on your neck; felt like it. I’m breathing you in. I know I shouldn’t have. But I can’t resist. Oh well, I’m waiting for Farah till she’s done bathing… Can’t wait to get out of this hotel room.